Fascination with Excess, or is it Obsession???

The weekend weather was dark and dreary - the perfect environment for staying inside and poking around in the depths of my psyche. I've been shying away from this mental and emotional dig, which is typical behavior for me, e.g., if it is unpleasant, ignore it. But in this new phase of self-determined and self-directed living, I am persevering with the inner exploration no matter how uncomfortable. Getting to the bottom of my internal gunk is key to ending the fat-then-skinny-then-fat-then-skinny-then-fat roller coaster.

Accessories have been my shield from the world. I have terrific handbags, amazing shoes, to-die-for scarves, brief cases in every color, drawers and hanging racks overflowing with jewelry of all kinds, a vast pen collection. All unconsciously or maybe consciously designed as diversions. See my designer handbag, not see the root beer belly. See the wildly colored and patterned scarf, not see the jowls. See the amazing pen, not see the pudge squishing out on either side of the gemstone ring.

I was able to divert myself and hoped that I was diverting others, too. Why else to have dozens of handbags and shoes in every color and size imaginable?

But now the diversionary tactics have been exposed. I'm on to myself. I wonder who else was on to me years ago and never said a word. Have you ever withheld this knowledge, this news, this revelation, from anyone?