Denial Raises Its Ugly Head

What is it about losing a few pounds that instantly makes me think I am skinny? I feel skinny. I think skinny. So I eat. My only consolation is that the eating binge has been much, much worse in the past and it has continued much longer. At least one pound or two of gumdrops wasn't involved!

I stuck to my nutrition plan all day yesterday, then went totally hog wild in the evening -- downing nearly half a box of Cheese-Its. Sure they were the lowfat kind, but half a box?! My first mistake was taking the box into the living room with me instead of counting out the 31 crackers that my plan allows. (Just a week ago I thought that was a rich trove of goodies!) That first handful tasted delicious, the second one even better. All the while I am congratulating myself mentally on having a light dinner of scallops, cabbage and carrots washed down with nonfat milk and being down 3 pounds on the scale.

My mind's eye totally ignored the Saturday evening getting-ready-to-go-to-a-party fiasco. In my new-found skinny euphoria I drag out a pair of black silk party pants from two years ago -- purchased at a swanky department store chain as a gift to myself. I'm going to be the most fashionable woman at the event, I purr to myself. The black silk pants, the royal blue silk tunic, those to-die-for blue Manolos and my drop-dead fashion statement necklace. I'm going to be Vogue-worthy.

Vogue-worthy? What a joke! I pulled on the pants, delighted that they are pulling on so easily. See, this diet stuff is working! Then reality snaps my head back when there's a good six inches between each side of the pant when I try to zip them up, with that root belly belly poking out in-between.

The plus side here is that I recognize that I slipped into old habits last night -- failing to portion out my food and indulging in delusional thinking. So it's onward and upward once again!